Friday, 28 March 2014

Pick Your Friends Wisely

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

It is a reasonably well known fact that most men do not have a close personal friend, i.e. a confidant, someone he can and does share even the most inner thoughts and concerns.  As a general rule this is not a problem for women.

So the message to men is seek out a Godly man to whom you can relate.  Ideally this man may be more spiritually mature than you.  Hopefully it is someone you can trust and admire.  This must be someone to whom you are willing to be accountable, willing to be transparent with and willing to listen to as he speaks into your life.  As a man, actually as a human being, you will face the storms of adversity which are much easier to weather with a supportive, encouraging friend.

The message to women is somewhat different.  Many of you have close friends.  Many of you are in Bible studies.  Most often a woman has one or more intimate friends with whom they can share their feelings and from whom they can seek advice and friendship.  If I were to write nothing else not only would this be a short, boring blog but one could go away with the impression that the women have it all together (which they might) and the men are loners and recluses who are in need of camaraderie.

Here’s the problem ladies – not all of your friends are friends.  Some of them talk behind your back, some of them give you bad advice based on their own insecurities or personal circumstances.  I know of several women who attend a particular Bible study who have been supported in their desire to leave their husbands.  This is not Godly counsel, particularly when those giving the advice don’t have all the information.  A lot depends on the specifics of the situation.  The Bible only gives two legitimate reasons for leaving one’s husband and even in those cases Scripture prefers reconciliation.  Certainly in the case of abuse a separation is mandatory.  Having a “jerk” for a husband is not grounds for divorce.

Regardless of your gender, if the advice you are getting does not align with Scripture don’t pay attention to it.

Lastly DO NOT seek a confidant of the opposite sex, regardless of how Godly they may be.  Many an affair has started with a man and a woman commiserating over the condition of their marriages.

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