Thursday, 24 October 2013

Working From a Blueprint

Common sense would tell us that if my wife and I decided to build our dream home but each gave the builder our own individual set of plans for how we wanted the home to be built, the end product would be a nightmare.  I contend that for the most part that is exactly what we do when we get married.  We each bring our own ideas of what our marriage should look like to the altar.  After we say, “I do” we each begin to build our life together with our own unique set of specifications. 

Some parts of our individual plan look much like our family of origins household.  Some parts resemble our hopes and dreams and still other parts are fashioned after what our culture seems to dictate.  There is no unified set of plans and specifications, no unified vision for what our marriage should reflect.

To further complicate the matter when it appears that something isn’t right in the design we tend to ignore it or argue about it rather than fix it.  Perhaps one person brought a lot of debt into the marriage, the other was highly conservative and had no debt.  Each person would bring a different perspective on how to spend money.  They each neglected to have a room in their design for marriage called a “financial budget.” 

There are many such rooms that we forget to design into our plan such as “parenting”, “how to spend leisure time”, “an equitable division of household chores”, etc.  When an issue arises, which it will, we each think how could we have neglected to add that room to our original design.

It is obvious that if we as a couple sought an architect and paid him/her to design a house for us, soliciting input from both and submitting one design we would be much better off.  As a matter of fact if we were building a home most of us would do just that.

So how does that work for a marriage?  To state the obvious, we could go to the Grand Architect, the One who invented marriage.  We could tell Him to design a home for us that would take into account most every situation that could come up.  That design would be called a vision for marriage.  The written specifications are called the Bible.

To be sure the marriage could have some minor cracks in the foundation, there could be some settling issues, and every wall make not be plumb but overall the house would be built on a Rock, it would be solid and the adversities of life could not bring it down.

It is never too late to have a plan for your marriage – rebuild if you must.