Friday, 1 November 2013

Are You Kidding Me?

There was a recent article in the Wall Street Journal written by Elizabeth Bernstein entitled “Why We Have Sex (Beyond the Obvious Reasons).  Give me a break.  Up until now the obvious reasons have suited me just fine.

A 2007 study from the University of Texas identified 237 expressed motives for sex.  Do you think we might be over-thinking this subject?  Now don’t get me wrong I recognize that my superficial understanding of the complexities of intimacy have much to do with the fact that I am a male.  Did I mention that I’m a man?  If I had to guess males contributed 7 motives and the other 230 came from the distaff side of the aisle.
In fairness to the article it did point out four broad categories which may be worth considering.  The four are:

1)     Self-Focused Approach which basically is the self-centered desire for intimacy, focusing on what it will do for you.

2)     Self-Focused Avoidance would be defined as being a begrudgingly willing partner in an effort to avoid an unpleasant feelings or situation for yourself, i.e. feeling guilty for not responding, etc.

3)     Partner-Focused Approach is driven by the desire to serve your partner to achieve greater closeness or to make them feel good.

4)     Partner-Focused Avoidance results when the reason for intimacy is to avoid conflict or to prevent them from getting angry or feeling disappointed.

Basic rule – intimacy motivated by avoidance will most likely have a negative payoff.  Research showed that on a given day when intimacy was motivated by avoidance the couple felt less satisfied relationally and sexually.  The converse is also true, i.e. intimacy motivated by approach tended to provide more relational and sexual satisfaction.

I have no idea what it cost to do that study.  What I do know is three truths.

The first is 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

The second is Ephesians 5:33 Husbands love your wives as you love yourselves and wives respect your husbands.

Finally Christ was other centered.  He was and is all about giving, not about getting.

May these verses coupled with the incredible love of Christ displayed, provide the motivation for fulfilling your need for intimacy.


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