Monday, 22 July 2013

Thinking and Feeling

Just in case you were unaware, mind reading is not a spiritual gift nor is it a Fruit of the Spirit.  So why do we act as though our partners “ought to know” what we are thinking or how we are feeling?  It has been said that we tend to judge others by their actions but we want to be judged based on our intentions.

A simple question such as “how are you feeling?” can lead to World War III if we choose to play games with our spouse in particular.

Assume for a moment the husband who because he is a guy is clueless and unobservant comes home from a busy day at work and asks his wife “How was your day?”  Now he’s feeling good about himself because he knows the average guy doesn’t do that.  The wife says “Fine”.  Her tone of voice, the look on her face and the fact that she gave a one word, one syllable answer should have sent alarm bells off.  The husband says, “that’s great” and goes off to change his clothes.  His wife is left standing in the kitchen ready to scream. “How could he be so insensitive?  All he cares about is himself.  Why does he bother to ask, he really doesn’t care?...”  This monologue would have gone on longer except her three year old announced for the third time that day that he just wet himself.  We can imagine what is going to happen when the husband comes back into the kitchen.

I love the age old question “where would you like to go for dinner” with the associated age old answer “anywhere is fine with me.”   How disingenuous can you be?  Anywhere is not fine and we both no it.  This could only be worse if it was the husband who asked the question and the wife says, “You oughta know where I’d like to go.”

Could we agree to make life a little simpler?

·       Tell your spouse what you are thinking.  If you need something ask for it.  If there is a possible misunderstanding ask for a clarification.  If you are bothered by your spouse’s behavior just ask them what is going on.  Don’t jump to conclusions and don’t remain silent.

·       Tell your spouse how you are feeling.  If you are tired, hurt, angry, frustrated, overjoyed, giddy or sad – tell your spouse.  Don’t make them guess and don’t get more upset because they miss what to you are obvious clues.




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