Friday, 26 July 2013

Marriage – A Learning Laboratory for Your Children

Whether you are willing to admit it or not you had some preconceived notions about what marriage would be like.  Most likely you had some expectations, some you were aware of and others that surfaced once you got married.  Where did they come from?  In many cases your vision of what marriage would be like came from your childhood.  Whether your parents were loving and affectionate toward one another or argued continually your paradigm was beginning to form.  Whether or not your father was handy, whether or not your mother was a good cook, and whether or not your parents struggled financially all started to shape what you thought marriage would be like.

How your parents resolved conflict, how consistent they were in how they disciplined you, and whether or not your father led family devotions all impacted what you thought you would experience.  Whether or not you were made to feel like the most special child in the world or your approval rating was based primarily on your performance, i.e. grades in school, what you did around the house, etc. helped to form your self image and the way you presumed your spouse would treat you.

Children are on loan to us.  God has given them to us and he can take them away physically or emotionally.  While they are in our care we should use every moment as a possible teachable moment from how a husband and wife treat each other, to how you resolve conflict, to the role of God in your marriage.  Children need to know they are loved and that there are boundaries.  How often does a parent say to a child “you’re bad” instead of saying “your behavior was wrong but I still love you”?  This is the time when you can help instill certain values in your child that will serve them well in their adulthood.

 God is the ultimate Potter, we are but the clay.  God gives each of us and our children specific attributes, gifts, talents, skills, abilities and personalities.  While in our charge we can add the glaze that will enable our child to shine.

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