Friday, 7 June 2013

So What is the Difference

At the risk of being redundant, not that it has stopped me before; I want to repeat some information which you have probably heard many times.  Men and women are different.

Okay, that didn’t come as much of a shock, but realize that God intentionally made us to be different from each other, by design.  This should help to depersonalize some of the ways one’s spouse’s “oppositeness” may be an irritant; God made him or her that way on purpose.

I often use generalizations when talking about marriage related issues.  I find that they are usually true and hence they generally apply.  Here are a few of my favorites with regard to gender differences.  Men generally are less verbal than women; women tend to process while men want to fix; and women are into building relationships while men are focused on tasks.  IF these descriptions apply to your household the implications for communications are significant.

When a wife asks her husband “How was your day?” she is trying to connect relationally, thus a one word grunt is rarely acceptable.  It is interesting that men seem more interested in getting relational around bed time.  News flash – that may be a case of too little too late.   Recently we heard a pastor give new emphasis to the word “intimacy”.  He pronounced it as though it were written “ in to me – see”  In other words your wife wants you to know her on a more intimate level, not just sexual.  What are her fears, dreams, concerns, etc?

This gets to the whole notion of processing verses fixing.  Most men I know want the bottom line – what’s the issue, what are we trying to solve?  Obviously this ability has served men well, particularly if they bring objectivity to their decision process. It is quite conceivable that his wife already has a workable solution but she prefers to discuss possible options, weigh her decisions and test her hypothesis.  Usually the men tend to jump to the solution.

Was this anything new? -  Probably not.  Does this scenario apply to your household?  If so have you altered the way that you communicate with one another?  Have you come to the realization that God made you different for a reason – not just to irritate you?

One of the many things I have learned in all my years on this planet is that knowing something and putting into practice what I know can be light years apart.  I know that I should stay away from anything sweet because it just makes me crave more sweets.  Do I stay away? – Nooooo!  After a binge and seeing my weight go up the next morning I wonder why?  Let me connect the dots.  Knowing that you and your spouse have different wiring but continuing to communicate the way you always have just leads to frustration.




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