Wednesday, 26 June 2013

DIY Doesn’t Usually Work

DIY or “do-it-yourself” is not a phrase I hear any more.  Perhaps it is because in my home that would amount to PDIK or “please do it Kathleen”.  The most useless present anyone could give me would be a gift certificate for Craftsman tools.  My bride on the other hand buys power tools and will take on almost anything.  She is fearless.  I will say however that YouTube which wasn’t around for much of my life on this planet has added immeasurably to one’s ability to fix things.

DIY doesn’t only apply to fixing things.  There are thousands of self-help books that address decision making, finances, sex, upholstering, gardening, marriage, etc.  Google search takes our ability to learn at home to a new level.   Now you don’t even  have to go to the library or book store to get information on what you need, just go to your computer.  We are truly a “microwave” society where everything is quickly available, including the solutions to many of life’s challenges.

It is just such an environment that leads struggling married couples to assume that there are quick solutions to their problems and when it becomes apparent that it is going to take time and hard work to repair their damaged marriage they look for what they perceive as an easier way out – the “d” word. 

For struggling couples who claim to know Christ as Lord and Savior they get impatient when their prayers don’t seem to be answered.  They know that God could instantaneously repair their marriage but He will rarely to that.  God is not Mr. Fix It, armed with duct tape and super glue but He is a patient craftsman who lavishes attention on the smallest detail.  (This last sentence is plagiarized but I don’t know from whom)  God wants us to be dependent on Him, just as we are for our next breath.  He knows that most of us learn best when we are experiencing adversity.  He knows that bad habits that have been formed over years of neglect won’t be easily put aside just because we learn some new skills or make behavioral changes.

What we need in most cases is a change of heart, a vision for our marriage which includes God at the center, and a covenental commitment that leaves no room for an exit strategy.   Salvaging a marriage is not a DIY project. God, prayer, and the Word of God will be instrumental in bringing about a change of heart.  In addition a Godly couple  who have traversed the tumultuous waters of marriage and come out stronger could be valuable allies.  In addition seek a Biblical Marriage counselor.  These solutions are all more effective and cheaper than the dreaded “d” word. 

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