Monday, 17 June 2013

Are You Sleepwalking Through Your Marriage?

Many people are so preoccupied with future plans and decisions that they fail to see choices they need to make today. Without any conscious awareness, they make their habitual responses. People who live this way find a dullness creeping into their lives. They sleepwalk through their days, following well-worn paths of routine. Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

As I read this portion of the daily devotional Jesus Calling it reminded me of a number of the marriages that I have encountered in counseling.  No doubt when these couples met they had at the very least a romanticized feeling of love toward one another.  Over time however life happened.  Soon after the wedding, Mrs. Right began to realize that Mr. Right had a few flaws that hadn’t been apparent before the “I do’s.”  And little did Mr. Right realize what a negative impact Mrs. Right’s family of origin would have on how she viewed him as a project to be fixed. Over all however they were doing “okay”.

Children then arrived on the scene.  It seemed as though the couple had little time for themselves.  The weekly date night became a quarterly trip to the drive through with the kids in the back seat.  To prepare for college expenses Mr. Right began spending far more time at work.  Mrs. Right was frazzled.  Between her part-time job at the dentist’s office and her full time job as mom, chauffeur and housekeeper she was exhausted by 8:00 every night.

As time marched on they suffered from the “drift”, an all too common affliction of couples who do not intentionally stay connected. At first little offenses began piling up, nothing worthy of mention.  Because of their busy schedules and lack of relational connection their times of intimacy were on the decline.  The couple usually attended church.  The couple never prayed together.  Mr. Right had never had spiritual leadership modeled for him while he was growing up and he was uncomfortable in that role.

This could easily describe many families.  Now add to the mix any number of things that could be fall this couple and you have a recipe for disaster.  What if Mr. Right lost his job and the couple was in serious financial difficulties?  What if Mr. Right became addicted to pornography?  What if Mrs. Right connected with an old high school sweetheart on Facebook?

When God is not at the center of a marriage something else takes His place.  We as human beings were designed by our Creator as worshippers.  If not God, we will worship something or someone else.  Money, possessions, children, even serving at church become what motivates you to get up in the morning. 

Marriage was designed by God to mirror the Son’s relationship with His bride the church.  As such marriage is to glorify God.  In such a marriage the couple is very intentional in keeping their relationship strong. 

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