Monday, 6 May 2013

The Health of Your Marriage

I personally follow several blogs, in part to stimulate my thinking.  One such blog is a very practical but secular marriage blog.  A recent posting had the title “How Do You Determine the Health of Your Marriage?”  This is an excellent question.  The writer went on to identify several sub-categories, i.e. “I’m Happy so It Must Be Good”; “We’re Weathering the Good Times and the Bad”; “We Have Fun Together”; and “We’re Accomplishing Things Together”.  The author of the blog then went on to say, “It’s important to take a look at whether you determine the health of your marriage based on feelings or behaviors.”

Discernment check!  At first glance the criteria listed as determinants of a healthy marriage may seem reasonable.  Who wouldn’t want happiness, or to have fun together, or accomplishing things or successfully navigating the storms of life.  And that is exactly the point.  It is so easy to get caught up in what the “world” thinks that as Christians we can have a cognitive dissonance between our heart and our head.

There was no mention of the Creator of the Universe, the One who holds the patent on marriage and the One wrote the manual.  Isn’t it possible that He might have some thought on whether or not a marriage is healthy?  Wouldn’t it stand to reason that the criteria He laid for out for a healthy marriage in His Word just might be included in the list?

His list might include such things as:

·       Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

·       Wives submitting to their servant leader, protector, provider husbands.

·       Husbands loving their wives as much as Christ loves His bride the Church or loving his wife as much as he loves himself.

·       A wife respecting her husband.

·       A husband being “considerate” of his wife

One huge difference in the two lists is the focus.  In the case of the secular list the focus is on “me and we” but God’s list is focused on “your spouse and ultimately Him”.  God’s list is other-centered where the list developed by man is self-centered.

This Doesn't Work
Doesn’t God want us to be happy? – sure but He is more concerned about your holiness.  Is God not for a couple weathering the storms of life?  - Yes but He wants to be your anchor in the storm.  Doesn’t God want us to accomplish things together? – Yes He does, but to accomplish things for the Kingdom.  He wants us to enjoy one another without losing sight of the fact that marriage is for His glory not ours.

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