Monday, 13 May 2013

Borrowed Wisdom - Part II

The inspiration for this two part series came from Lisa Johnson of Proverbs 31 Ministries.  The following digressions are based on her posting of the “7 Days of Marriage Wisdom”:

 Day 5 Believe the Best

Don’t mind read and give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.  Too often we assume we know what our spouse meant by their actions, inactions or words.  Too often we’re wrong.  Very few husbands or wives wake up in the morning thinking “I wonder how I can make life particularly miserable for my spouse today?  We are all flawed sinners.  Rather than brood about what you believe to be an intentional attack on your personhood, just tell your partner that you may have misunderstood them but that you felt hurt by their words or actions.

 Day 6 Greet Your Spouse  - Warmly

A hug, a kiss, a squeeze, a touch, a pat, a smile, a kind word – need I say more?

Day 7 Nothing is as Permanent as Change

It is too easy to let the pace of life dictate our schedules.  This has been referred to as the “tyranny of the urgent.”  Activities, circumstances, and thoughts masquerade as needing immediate attention when something of far greater importance gets ignored.  Such is often the case with our marriages.  It is critical that as husbands and wives we maintain a structure in our lives where God is at the top of the pyramid, our spouse is second, our family is third, etc.  What happens is that our work or our children or something else jumps into first or second place, at which time our marriage will suffer. 

Intentionally do one thing each day that will bring joy to your spouse, bring a smile to their face and/or brings them pleasure.  Ephesians 5:22 tells us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
It is not unusual for a couple to come in to see me after twenty years of marriage, having raised three children, and say they don’t know one another.  The truth is they don’t.  Not only did life get in the way but as individuals they are different people than the couple who dated twenty-one years earlier.  Their tastes, their likes and dislikes, their spiritual growth (or lack thereof), their fears and dreams have all been shaped by what has transpired during the twenty years of marriage.  A couple needs to build in “together time” into their weekly calendars.

This should be a time for connecting emotionally – sorry guys I know how tough that is for you.  This should not be a time to talk about the kids, running the house, finances, or the in-laws.  This should be a time when you share what is going on inside of you, what you are learning, and what you plan to do when the last “rug-rat” leaves the house.  Being an “empty nester” (when all the kids have left home) can be a great thing, if you are prepared for it!



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