Friday, 2 March 2012

A Wife's Responsibility in Resolving Conflict

In the following six minute video John Piper provides some specific advice to wives who find themselves in the midst of a conflict with their husbands. I know that six minutes of your time is a lot to ask AND at the beginning you may feel that John is putting the burden on the wife. this is not the case.

Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Sex and Marriage - Part II

In their recent book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim and Kathy Keller introduce some topics with regard to sex that few authors have attempted to broach.

A fundamental rule of marriage is that time marches on, and as Lewis Smedes said, you don’t marry one woman or one man but many. Time, children, illness, and age all bring changes that may require creative, disciplined responses to rebuild a sexual intimacy that was easier at an earlier time. If you don’t confront and adapt to these changes, they’ll erode your sex life.

Kathy and I often liken sex in a marriage to oil in an engine – without it, the friction between all the moving parts will burn out the motor. Without joyful, loving sex, the friction in a marriage will bring about anger, resentment, hardness, and disappointment. Rather than being the commitment glue that holds you together, it can become a force to divide you. Never give up working on your sex life.

Sex between a man and a woman points to the love between the Father and the Son (1Corinthians 11:3). It is a reflection of the joyous self-giving and pleasure of love within the very life of the triune God.

It may be a blinding glimpse of the obvious (something I am particularly gifted at revealing) but we are not the same as we were when we married. In addition to aging and life changing events (such as children, job changes, relocation, etc.) most of us change physically, emotionally and spiritually, this is better known as maturing gracefully. Stress in one's life can be caused by a variety of factors, we may be much to busy(or less busy), job loss, health issues etc. Life changes can affect our sexual desires. We must be in tune with these changes in one another.

Our intimacy is an extremely good indicator of the quality of our marriage. In his book Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas says, “ Sex is about physical touch, to be sure, but it is about far more than physical touch. It is about what is going on inside us. Developing a fulfilling sex life means I concern myself more with bringing generosity and service to bed than with bringing washboard abs. It means I see my wife as a holy temple of God, not just as a tantalizing human body. It even means that sex becomes a form of physical prayer – a picture of a heavenly intimacy that rivals the shekinah glory of old.”

Monday, 27 February 2012

Sex and Marriage - Part I

In their recent book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim and Kathy Keller introduce some topics with regard to sex that few authors have attempted to broach.

The Bible gives us a high view of sex. It is a sign and seal of our oneness with each other and with God. We should not, then, be surprised to discover that you may find problems” showing up in bed,” which, if it wasn’t for sex, you might never have seen. There may be guilt, fear, or anger over past relationships. There may be growing mistrust or disrespect, or unresolved differences in your present relationship. Sex is such a great and sensitive thing that you will not be able to sweep these problems under the rug.

Unless your marital relationship is in a good condition, sex doesn’t work. So be very careful to look beneath the surface. A lack of “sexual compatibility” might not really be a lack of lovemaking skill at all. It may be a sign of deeper problems in the relationship. It is often the case that, if those problems are addressed, the sexual intimacy improves.
I have often said that sex is one of the most thought about and least talked about subjects between married couples. The fact is that more than likely if there are troubles in the marriage the bedroom is one of the first places they will show up.

Husbands, if your wife seems less interested in being intimate than she once did wake up! There is something wrong in Camelot. This is the “clue phone” ringing. You need to initiate the conversation. Do not be surprised if her initial response is “there’s nothing wrong.” This is code talk for “if you can’t figure it out I’m not going to degrade myself by having to explain what should be perfectly obvious.” This is where as servant leader you must humble yourself and say, “As you know I am not the most intuitive guy on this planet. Obviously I have done something that makes you feel unloved and I would appreciate it if you would please tell me how I have hurt you.” Memorize this- it will lose its effect if you read it.

Wives, if your husband doesn’t seem as interested in being intimate as he once did you need to get to the bottom of it. As you know men are less verbal and their pride may get in the way. There are a number of possible factors. One is pornography, check out his computer. It is an addiction so it may do little good to ask him since addicts tend to lie. It could be depression in which case he needs medical attention. He may have much stress at work. In any case this is highly abnormal for a guy so you need to pursue it.