Friday, 2 November 2012


Self-absorption is defined as a preoccupation with self: an excessive concern with our own life and interests. This condition is endemic to the human race.  In other words this is a condition of the human heart which is widespread, prevalent, rife, rampant, pervasive, and common.  Yes that includes me and you.

It is the number one problem in marriage, out weighing such favorites as finances, sex, in-laws, children, and division of household chores.  It underlies the desire to view pornography, participate in unhealthy communication via social media, co-habitation, friends with benefits, connecting up and affairs.  If I have left anything out it is due to a naiveté, ignorance or an inadequate vocabulary.

Tim Keller
Tim Keller, pastor of Redeemer Church in New York City,  says that “Nothing makes us more miserable than self-absorption, the endless, unsmiling concentration on our needs, wants, treatment, and ego...It is at the root of the breakdown in relationships between nations, races, classes, and individuals. ”  The word “nothing” seems fairly all inclusive.

It all started with a tree.  God made it perfectly clear, “do not eat from the tree that is in the middle of the garden or you will die,” shame on God for making it so ambiguous.  From that moment on we have all made similar decisions every day.  It is as if we comply with God’s directions as long as they suit us, but when my perceived need is more important to me than being obedient to God then I willfully serve me. Or as Keller puts it “we comply with God’s directions only when it fits in with our goals and interests, then we are actually trying to get God to orbit around us.”

“And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves…” (2Corinthians 5:15)  So Christ died because of our self-centeredness.  And James tells us that we quarrel because we don’t get our desires met. (James 4:1-2).  That sounds like self-centeredness to me.

So if self-absorption is why we quarrel and why our relationships break down then it stands to reason that it is the thing that is at the root of much of my misery.

The Human Heart
Do you suppose that is why when Jesus was asked which the greatest commandment is in the Law, He replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind…and the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”

All I need to do is to become other-centered.  Fortunately that isn’t up to me and my efforts or it would never happen.  He died so we should no longer live for ourselves.  He makes it possible to change.

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