Friday, 19 October 2012

Ordinary Moments

In his book Marriage Matters Winston Smith, author, counselor and lecturer, says “God is in the ordinary moments.”  Furthermore he states that “there is a connection between the details of (our) marriage relationship and the reality of our relationship with God.  Thus we are to see a bigger purpose and new possibilities in the ordinary moments of our marriage.”

 In chapter one he sets for the following three premises:

1.    Marriages change when we recognize God’s agenda for so-called ordinary moments.

A lack of love should prompt us to not just look more closely at our marriage but at our relationship with God.  Having more love in your marriage means having more of God in your marriage.  If you are having trouble loving it is because you either don’t know God or that something is interfering in your relationship with God.  If God is love he must be part of the solution.

2.    Marriages change when we’re willing to love in practical Christlike ways, especially in the difficult moments.

Love is not an experience it is a person – Jesus.  There are two ingredients to loving in a Christlike way.  First we must connect with and depend on Christ, the Son of the living God who is able to help you in the most difficult of moments.  Second is to know what love looks like in the details of the moment.  Jesus teaches us what that looks like.  While this requires that we have faith that Christ will help us, we must take concrete steps.  Some of the biggest giants in our marriages are the sins that reside in our hearts.  For love to make a difference in our marriages it must be more than an emotion, it can only be found in Jesus and must show up in the details of our marriage.

Winston Smith
3.    Marriages change when we’re willing to love consistently, over time, not because our spouses change but because we’re in a growing relationship with God.

We must come to the realization that we can’t change our spouse.  We are doomed if our happiness hinges on our ability to control our spouse.  God offers something better, He offers to change us.  It doesn’t mean that your spouse won’t change.  It does mean that we get to have God living in us such that his love becomes visible.  Most likely our spouse will change when we make different choices and keep making those choices in light of our relationship with God.

 

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