Monday, 22 October 2012

Are You Feeling Loved / Respected

Sometimes whether or not we are feeling loved and/or respected has a lot to do with how well we have communicated what that looks like to our partner.  There are those of us, usually people pleasers, who do not like to ask our partner to do something for us.  There are others of us who take the position, “If they really loved me they would know how I want them to express it.”  And there are others of us who demonstrate our love /respect the way we want to receive it, without knowing whether or not our partner values such an expression.

 Many of you have probably heard of or read Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages.  According to Gary there are basically five ways that describe the way most people want to be loved. 

1.    Quality Time

2.    Acts of Service

3.    Touch

4.    Gifts

5.    Words of Affirmation

Do any of these ways of demonstrating love float your boat or put wind in your sails?  If so, have you told your partner specifically what that looks like to you?
Here is a word of caution.  Habits are hard to break and new ones are hard to form.  You may have to remind your spouse several times, also be sure to praise them when they do remember to do what you have asked.  What gets rewarded gets repeated.

 My wife has been most gracious.  She has only identified two things that I can do that would make her feel more loved.  They are incredibly simple, take almost no time and cost nothing.  I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m getting somewhat better at one and I am failing miserably at the other.  Is that pathetic or what? That was rhetorical!

 So for those of you who have not helped yourself by helping your spouse, please make a list of the ways your husband/wife could most demonstrate their love / respect for you.  Be specific.  It is not enough to say for example “acts of service”.  Say I would really appreciate it if you would (fill in the blank). 

 

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