Friday, 8 June 2012

Too Shy to Ask?

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal has prompted me to write on a subject which surely I have tackled before, that being sex.

The gist of the article is that most married couples are too embarrassed to talk about their sex life.  Consequently it is not difficult to understand why a reasonable number of partners may be sexually unfulfilled when a simple conversation might be the cure.  The article points out how ironic it is that we are reluctant to talk to the person with whom we are most intimate about a subject that is so personal.  At the same time our culture bombards us with advertising featuring sexual images that have little to do with the product being sold; prime time TV offers up “adult situations” that leave little to the imagination; and magazines prominently displayed at the local supermarket use sexual innuendos to lure shoppers while waiting in line.

The article does acknowledge that sex is important but not necessarily at the core of what binds couples together but falls short of suggesting what those other things might be.  Apparently what sex can do is energize the relationship, make each person feel desirable and serve as a buffer against trials and difficulties.  But the author acknowledges that the longer the term of the relationship, the more difficult it is to talk about intimacy.

I love Mark Driscoll’s description of how our parents came about, from his book Real Marriage.  “For Eve, it was a big day. She had just been created, met God, and was going to her first “date” and wedding naked…As her father walking her down the aisle, God brought Eve to Adam…as their pastor, He officiated the first wedding ceremony, declaring them husband and wife…He declared it all to be very good…God created sex.  He created our bodies for sex.  The reason that sex is fun, pleasurable and wonderful is because it is a reflection of the loving goodness of God, who created it as a gift for u s to steward and enjoy. (Within the confines of marriage).

Here’s the bottom line.  God has never created anything that was mediocre. There are certainly some physiological and psychological reasons why a couple’s sexual relations are not that enjoyable but that would be the minority of cases.  Like so many other of God’s creations, we have managed to take something that should be beautiful and pleasurable and glorifying to God and make a mess of it.

If you are not experiencing a level of intimacy that is fulfilling, at least have a candid, non-accusatory, conversation with your spouse. 

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