Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Adjusting to the New Baby

I’m reasonably certain that the following came from someone else’s blog, it is too well written to have come from me.   Regardless of who the author is, I can’t emphasize how important this is to the future of your marriage.

“In the best of situations husbands and wives will have to make huge adjustments in their relationship due to their new arrival.  This will be particularly true if it is your first baby since you will not know what to expect.

One of the most important things you can do with and for one another is to talk.  Talk openly about what you are experiencing.   Who gets up?  When do you let your baby cry – or do you? Etc.  If the mom is breast-feeding she is going to be exhausted in the first few months after the baby is born

Any chance the new mom has to let someone else attend to the baby is worth taking.  The new mom mustn’t think she’s the only one capable of being with that child.  Dad should be quick to interact and bond with the child and give his wife some rest.  Furthermore the baby will have a chance to interact with someone who smells, feels, and acts differently than his/her primary caregiver.  In this way the father widens the world for that child, adding to the child’s emotional and physical development.

There may be many emotional needs bombarding the husband and wife at this time.  The wife might suffer from post partum depression.  The wife might pour all of her emotional and physical energies into their new-born.  Sleep deprivation can make both the husband and the wife edgy and impatient.  The husband may feel like an unnecessary third wheel. 

If possible prior to the baby’s birth the husband and wife should talk openly and be intentional about how they plan to pay attention to their marriage.   Date nights should be programmed into your schedule as soon as possible – at least two per month.  Surely there is a parent, friend or delightful old couple from church who would watch your baby while you go for a walk together, grab an ice cream cone or sit and watch the sun set.  The husband and wife were a couple before the baby was born and should be a couple when the “bird leaves the nest 

They need to remind each other that their relationship comes before the child, and, to whatever extent possible, enjoy each other’s company.  Sex may not happen until the new mom feels comfortable with it, but affection and interaction can happen—and should.”

In a Biblical marriage God comes first, spouse next, children next, etc.  One of the best gifts parents can give their children is for them to witness a marriage that glorifies God.

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