Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Dreaming and Divorce

There is an old adage “you become what you think about.” Now that is not totally true since as a teenage boy I thought a lot about girls and I didn’t become one, nor have I ever become a chocolate chip cookie. But, as with most adages, there is some truth buried in the words.

For the Christian, theoretically, divorce is not an option since you have entered into a covenantal relationship which should not be broken other than under some limited and reasonably well defined conditions.

However there is nothing preventing you from thinking about it, i.e. daydreaming “what if I were single again?” or “what if I were married to (¬¬fill in the blank)?” To say that daydreaming about divorce is a slippery slope would be like saying Mozart was okay as a composer. Be honest with yourself, you are only going to focus on the most positive aspects of being single or being married to someone else that you think would be Mr. or Miss Right. We suffer from amnesia when we reflect back on the struggles of being single. We choose to forget that Mr. or Miss Right is a sinner, saved by grace. They have their own set of matched baggage that they carry around with them, problems they keep hidden from the outside world.

Fantasizing about something that God has forbidden normally doesn’t turn out well. For one thing there was this incident with a piece of fruit in a garden and then there was David and Bathsheba; and Hollywood provides us with a new entrant in the things not turning out well category on a daily basis.

There was also an adage that said “anticipation is greater than realization.” If being single again seems tempting, spend some time talking with someone who has gone through a bitter divorce. Divorce exacts a very high price emotionally, financially and spiritually.

Perhaps worse than daydreaming about something you think might be better is to focus on the negatives. We tend to whip ourselves into a frenzy about how thoughtless, how uncaring, how insensitive, how lazy, and/or how cheap our current partner is. By ruminating over and over again about our spouses shortcomings we are building an emotional wall that we may never be able to dismantle.
Daydreaming misdirects your energy. Spend the same amount of time thanking God for the spouse He has given you. Focus on their good points. Ask God what it is that He wants you to learn as a result of being married to the person that He has provided.

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