Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Sex and Marriage - Part II

In their recent book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim and Kathy Keller introduce some topics with regard to sex that few authors have attempted to broach.

A fundamental rule of marriage is that time marches on, and as Lewis Smedes said, you don’t marry one woman or one man but many. Time, children, illness, and age all bring changes that may require creative, disciplined responses to rebuild a sexual intimacy that was easier at an earlier time. If you don’t confront and adapt to these changes, they’ll erode your sex life.

Kathy and I often liken sex in a marriage to oil in an engine – without it, the friction between all the moving parts will burn out the motor. Without joyful, loving sex, the friction in a marriage will bring about anger, resentment, hardness, and disappointment. Rather than being the commitment glue that holds you together, it can become a force to divide you. Never give up working on your sex life.

Sex between a man and a woman points to the love between the Father and the Son (1Corinthians 11:3). It is a reflection of the joyous self-giving and pleasure of love within the very life of the triune God.

It may be a blinding glimpse of the obvious (something I am particularly gifted at revealing) but we are not the same as we were when we married. In addition to aging and life changing events (such as children, job changes, relocation, etc.) most of us change physically, emotionally and spiritually, this is better known as maturing gracefully. Stress in one's life can be caused by a variety of factors, we may be much to busy(or less busy), job loss, health issues etc. Life changes can affect our sexual desires. We must be in tune with these changes in one another.

Our intimacy is an extremely good indicator of the quality of our marriage. In his book Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas says, “ Sex is about physical touch, to be sure, but it is about far more than physical touch. It is about what is going on inside us. Developing a fulfilling sex life means I concern myself more with bringing generosity and service to bed than with bringing washboard abs. It means I see my wife as a holy temple of God, not just as a tantalizing human body. It even means that sex becomes a form of physical prayer – a picture of a heavenly intimacy that rivals the shekinah glory of old.”

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