Monday, 27 February 2012

Sex and Marriage - Part I

In their recent book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim and Kathy Keller introduce some topics with regard to sex that few authors have attempted to broach.

The Bible gives us a high view of sex. It is a sign and seal of our oneness with each other and with God. We should not, then, be surprised to discover that you may find problems” showing up in bed,” which, if it wasn’t for sex, you might never have seen. There may be guilt, fear, or anger over past relationships. There may be growing mistrust or disrespect, or unresolved differences in your present relationship. Sex is such a great and sensitive thing that you will not be able to sweep these problems under the rug.

Unless your marital relationship is in a good condition, sex doesn’t work. So be very careful to look beneath the surface. A lack of “sexual compatibility” might not really be a lack of lovemaking skill at all. It may be a sign of deeper problems in the relationship. It is often the case that, if those problems are addressed, the sexual intimacy improves.
I have often said that sex is one of the most thought about and least talked about subjects between married couples. The fact is that more than likely if there are troubles in the marriage the bedroom is one of the first places they will show up.

Husbands, if your wife seems less interested in being intimate than she once did wake up! There is something wrong in Camelot. This is the “clue phone” ringing. You need to initiate the conversation. Do not be surprised if her initial response is “there’s nothing wrong.” This is code talk for “if you can’t figure it out I’m not going to degrade myself by having to explain what should be perfectly obvious.” This is where as servant leader you must humble yourself and say, “As you know I am not the most intuitive guy on this planet. Obviously I have done something that makes you feel unloved and I would appreciate it if you would please tell me how I have hurt you.” Memorize this- it will lose its effect if you read it.

Wives, if your husband doesn’t seem as interested in being intimate as he once did you need to get to the bottom of it. As you know men are less verbal and their pride may get in the way. There are a number of possible factors. One is pornography, check out his computer. It is an addiction so it may do little good to ask him since addicts tend to lie. It could be depression in which case he needs medical attention. He may have much stress at work. In any case this is highly abnormal for a guy so you need to pursue it.


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