Friday, 3 February 2012

One on One

Mort Fertel (marriagecounselingblog.com) had an interesting post dealing with couple’s inability to spend time alone. Needless to say if this describes your relationship it is a red flag of humongous proportions. He writes:

Are you able to sit with your partner without doing anything at all? Can you shut off the television, computer and phone and just sit and be together? Many couples find it difficult to just be together with each other.

Do you and your spouse often invite friends or other family members to join you in activities? Some couples find it boring to just be by themselves.

Other couples busy themselves to avoid just being alone with their partner. They run from one activity to the next. Their activities may center on their children, their work, or other activities to ensure that they aren’t bored together.


If the purpose of marriage is to glorify God, and it is, then there is something terribly wrong with this picture. Mort explores some of the possible reasons for avoiding time together:

If you and your partner have difficulty enjoying one another’s company without outside entertainment, consider the underlying reason. Do you not have anything to talk about? Do you find your partner to be boring? Would you most likely start arguing? Do you not have fun with your partner? Do you lack anything in common? Do you feel guilty having down time?
If this describes your relationship it is time to take an inventory of what is going on and why? Most likely romance and intimacy have left your marriage some time ago. I could be reasonably certain that God is barely on your radar screen and certainly not at the center of your marriage.

So what’s the big deal? With some exceptions marriages that do not have God at the center do not do well. One reason is that marriage is to be a reflection of the relationship between the God and His Son. The Bible talks about “two becoming one flesh”, another way of describing how close a husband and wife are expected to be.

Figure out what is causing your discomfort at being alone and deal with it. Start by setting aside 30 minutes a week just to talk about your relationship, your goals and dreams, your worries and concerns. This should be a place where there will be no distractions. Do not engage in small talk or about various aspects of managing the household chores.

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