Monday, 19 December 2011

Teaching Kids to Fight

Parenting may be one of the most difficult jobs any of us will be called to do. The mere presence of children can wreak havoc on a marriage while being an incredible source of joy. Children are a gift from God. Technically He has loaned them to you for a season because in the final analysis they are His. There may be times when you wish He would repossess them. During the season that they are in your charge you are to grow them up in a way that glorifies the Lord.

One of the more important teachable moments comes during those times when husbands and wives are in disagreement. If you are accustomed to yelling and screaming, calling each other names, slamming doors, throwing things, demeaning one another or getting physical you are not only setting a horrible example that your child will likely emulate but you make them feel most insecure.

I’m assuming if you didn’t give a rip what God thinks you wouldn’t be reading a blog entitled So I ask you when you and your spouse have a disagreement do you settle it in a way that honors God? If so, read no further.

I thought so. That would be a no. Teaching your children how to disagree in a way that glorifies God is one of the best gifts you will ever give your children.

Here are some suggestions:
1. When an issue surfaces between the two of you come together and pray, in front of your children. Ask God to give you an open mind, wisdom, discernment and the creativity necessary to resolve the disagreement in a way that will honor Him.
2. Learn to really listen. James 4:1-2 basically says we argue because we aren’t getting our own way. Learn to identify what is behind your desire for a specific outcome and what is behind your spouse’s desire. Frankly as you try to justify your positions you might realize how ridiculous you are being. In any event listen to hear what is behind both of your desires a suitable compromise may surface.
3. Once you can accurately articulate your partner’s position and the rationale behind it see if there are any compromises that will make you both feel heard and accommodated.
4. If nothing else this should be a reasonably humane exchange. If you fail to come up with a satisfactory solution, close the session with prayer. Tell the Father that you want to honor Him in the decision you come to and ask that He give you added wisdom and insight.
5. Agree to come back at a specific time to reach a resolution.

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