Friday, 16 December 2011

Choose Your Friends Wisely

Did you ever hear the expression, “You can’t pick your family but you can choose your friends”?

Recent studies have shown that there is a high correlation between couples who get divorced and couples who hang around with couples who get divorced. Something akin to misery loves company.

What to DoAs best you can, sit down with your wife/husband and try to come up with a list of what might be valid indicators that a married couple is truly happy. I emphasize truly because many couples, particularly those who attend church regularly, are projecting an air-brushed persona of someone who is happy. Longevity is not necessarily an indicator but it could be a place to start. Other considerations: Do they look one another in the eye when they talk; do they seem to smile when looking at each other; are they affectionate when they think no one is looking; do they treat each other with respect and speak well of one another in public; do they complement their partners when in the presence of others; do they tend to walk side by side or does the husband tend to walk ahead; etc., etc.?

Next try to find one or more couples who best fit your description and try to make their acquaintance. If you feel comfortable with them you might even ask them if they would be willing to be your mentors.

What Not to DoTry not to hang out with couples who: tend to complain about their spouse and act as if their marriage is a nuisance; criticize their spouse in public; rarely look at one another; who rarely smile at one another; will say or do things that embarrass their spouse; treat their partner disrespectfully; roll their eyes when their spouse speaks; constantly correct their spouse in public; make jokes about marriage.

Do not hang out with such couples.

Be CarefulIt’s important to notice what types of couples you tend to surround yourself with. If you tend to have mostly divorced or unhappily married couples in your social circle, it can have a negative impact on your view of marriage. If hearing complaints tends to become normalized, it can cause you to join in at times and it can actually start to impact your relationship.

Try to learn from happily married people. Ask them questions about what makes their relationship successful.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Post a comment