Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Can We Talk - Part II

Part I covered the lack of sexual desire that is brought about by physical health problems, mental health problems, etc. These problems have been around for many years. The sad thing is that often there is a solution but the couple is too embarrassed to acknowledge the problem, and confront it openly, it becomes like the elephant in the room.

In more recent times pornography and social media have become serious threats to marital intimacy. Men are wired visually thus pornography has a huge attraction. The book Every Man’s Battle is aptly named as it chronicles what today has become a plague of gigantic proportions. Women tend to be wired relationally and social media such as Face Book fill an emotional void. Instead of putting energy into revitalizing one’s marriage it has become too easy to begin to fantasize or flirt with the help of the internet.

There are other problems of a less serious nature that must be acknowledged none the less.

According to 1Peter 3:7 husbands are to treat their wives in an understanding way. Ed Young, Sr. offers some insights that many men fail to understand. There are a number of reasons that a wife can’t always respond sexually.
1) The dark area:
a. Promiscuity – past hurts & abuse by men.
b. Sexual abuse as they were growing up. A shocking percentage of women have experienced some form of sexual abuse.
c. Poor self-image. Most women need constant reassurance that they are attractive to their husband. Just one more reason why pornography is so destructive to a marriage.
d. The message that sex is to be endured.
e. Twisted Biblical logic that sex is part of the curse.
f. Side effects of necessary medication.
g. The woman’s past can determine the rest of her life if you both will allow it to, but it doesn’t have to be so.
2) The practical side:
a. Children add a difficult dimension when it comes to intimacy.(exhausted, physical touch satisfied, a lack of privacy, etc).
b. She can’t compartmentalize. Sex is relational from the female’s perspective. An argument or emotional neglect impacts her willingness to be intimate. Men can compartmentalize. From the male’s perspective they could be arguing one minute and having sex the next.
c. The atmosphere is important. Three forms of intimacy appetizer intimacy- quick and not all that special. main course intimacy – you have more time and don’t feel rushed. gourmet intimacy - go off for two nights.
d. Can’t be rushed. Women are crock pots, men are microwaves.
e. Physically too tired after an exhausting day

With maturity (and if that is measured by age I'm extremely mature) comes the understanding that the pleasure of your mate is more important than any pleasure that will ever come your way both emotionally and physically. Ephesians 5:33 tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves.

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