Thursday, 27 October 2011


A recent blog I read asked the question “Does having kids kill the romance?” You might as well ask, “will night usually follow day?”; or “will Starbucks always charge a premium for their coffee?”; or “will our government leaders always fight about the best way to increase jobs and gross national product?”

In case you haven’t figured out what any of these questions have in common, they all have the same answer - a resounding “yes”. The difference is that we have no control over whether or not the sun rises or sets, or what Starbucks will charge for a latte, or how our politicians will face the dilemma of high unemployment. We can however do something about the romance in our marriage.

Babies often become the center of mom’s universe and dads feel neglected. We know that young children can be exhausting and they can rob us of privacy. As children get older their activities can consume us and disciplining can deplete our energy.

The first rule is to be intentional about your marriage relationship. Remember the purpose of marriage is to glorify God; it is to reflect the relationship between Christ and His bride the church. This means that right after God, your spouse is next in line of importance. You have your children for a season and they are indeed a gift, but your marriage is a covenantal relationship, a lifetime together.

So here are some thoughts:
1. Set aside specific time each day to talk, preferably when the kids are in bed.
2. Set aside at least one night a week to do something as a couple. This could be watching a movie, doing a puzzle, reading a book together, going for a walk, getting ice cream, etc.
3. Set aside at least one night a month for a date. Go out to dinner, pack a picnic, go to a museum, visit a planetarium, go skating or bowling, or take a class together, i.e. cooking class, photography, yoga, etc.
4. Install a lock on your bedroom door if it doesn’t already have one. Give yourselves an occasional time out and send yourselves to your room.

One of the best legacies you will ever leave your children is that of a strong marriage. It not only provides them emotional security growing up but gives them a model of what marriage is intended to look like. It is healthy for children to be raised in a home where God is the center, love abounds and parents exhibit affection toward one another.

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