Monday, 24 October 2011

Give Me a Break

One of the more repetitive complaints that counselors hear from husbands and wives alike has to do with that glorious time of day, or what should be glorious, when the husband returns home from work.

Both the husband and wife have had tough days, both are looking for a brief oasis where they can get refreshed. For the husband it might be some time in front of the TV or newspaper, with few if any words exchanged. For the wife it may be a reprieve from the kids or help with the dinner in addition to some adult conversation.

I think you can see where this is going. One possible outcome is a lose - lose proposition, neither party is happy. Either the husband begrudgingly helps the wife who felt compelled to nag her husband or the husband ignores the wife and she just seethes.


For the couple who has God at the center of their marriage home coming is a welcomed part of the day. They are more other centered, i.e. they put the other person’s desires ahead of their own and they appreciate what each brings to the relationship. They greet one another warmly and there is a symbiosis which enables each to sense the need of the other.

English Channel
God gives husbands and wives only a few commands as they directly apply to marriage, keeping in mind that God never commands us to do something that comes easily. Husbands are told to love their wives as much as they love themselves. (Ephesians 5:33) Being loving is not a natural emotion for a guy. If most guys are like me it would be easier to swim the English Channel twice than to love my wife as much as I love myself and I’m afraid of the water. In the case cited above that means that when the husband comes through the door he gives his wife a big hug and asks how he can help her, regardless of what his day has been like.

As for the wife she is commanded to respect, revere, defer to, honor, and regard her husband. In the case cited above the wife would give her husband a kiss and suggest that he take some time to chill out before dinner.

In reality this couple would pitch in to get done whatever needed to be done and then enjoy a few minutes of down time together.

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