Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Where Did We Go Wrong?

One of the most common questions posed by married couples in distress is “Where did we go wrong? In most cases it is reasonably safe to assume that you didn’t start off “wrong”, there must have been some attraction, presumably the courtship included some memorable occasions, and most likely you spent more time talking to one another than you do now.

baggage
A well known marriage expert weighed in with what he believes to be the three most common reasons that couples begin to question whether or not they are right for one another. The first he cited was “loss of trust”, sometimes brought on by an affair or the discovery that the loved one has been secretly involved in pornography. A second reason is “growing resentment”. This can stem anywhere from in-laws to computer games. Lastly he mentioned “insecurity”. Children who are products of a broken home, someone who has had several failed relationships, or the loss of trust can bring about a feeling of insecurity.

While I would be the last to disagree that these are some of the most common reasons given by married couples who are struggling, I would be quick to disagree that these are the real issues. Every one of us is a sinner. Practically every one of us has baggage and expectations that we bring into our relationship. Every one of us is self-centered. What do you think you are going to get when two self-centered, baggage carrying, expectation driven, sinners unite – a blissful marriage? Think again.

Any of the above reasons given by couples for doubting the stability of their marriage can be addressed by a counselor. In some cases you might receive enough help to revive the marriage. The operative words are “some” and “might”. The real problem in every case is an issue of the heart better known as sin.

So whether the husband has lied to his wife about why he is spending so much time on the internet; or the wife who was raised by a single mother is constantly afraid that she too will be abandoned; or the husband is resentful because his children receive all of his wife’s energy and affection the underlying problem stems from a heart that has distanced itself from God. It is a heart that is looking for satisfaction in the wrong place; a heart that doesn’t accept that God can supply all of our needs; and a heart that wants its desires met.

Go to a pastor, a Biblical counselor and/or open God’s Word and apply it. Amazing things can happen when we take our problems to God and ask Him to give us the peace that transcends all understanding.

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