Friday, 16 September 2011

Stay Connected Conversationally / Emotionally

During our dating years many of us could talk on the phone for hours. Today maybe it’s texting, or tweeting. It seems like we never ran out of things to say. Fast forward ten years after marriage. You have the average of two and a quarter children, a home, work and friends. And you have nothing to talk about that doesn’t have to do with the kids or managing the household.

Since it is purported that women tend to use twice as many words in a given day than men it would indicate to me that many women connect verbally. By connecting I am talking about more than just passing factual information – that would be a guy. For many women connecting is both relational and emotional. Often she shares something at a deeper level than some superficial comment.

If much of what has been said so far is true, this does not bode well for the average marriage. Consider some of the ramifications of this communication glut. Guys wonder why their wives are not overly amorous. Could it be that their one syllable word answer to almost any question is not a big turn on to someone who relates verbally? For a guy “Fine” and “Okay” are complete sentences.

Thus far I have been generalizing so the first thing to do is to determine does this profile tend to describe your marriage? Does the wife want to connect more verbally and has this been difficult for the husband to do?

If this is the case here is where the Biblical roles kick in. As the servant leader the husband has the responsibility to address this facet of his marriage. As the helpmate the wife has the responsibility to assist in developing a list of topics that the two of you can talk about. Obviously the more interested you both are in the topic the better the discussions will be.

Do you have a mutual interest in something outside the home? What are each of your hopes and dreams for the future? Is there something in the news that is worthy of conversation? What about on the political scene? How about something that you have read? Could you read a book or take a sushi making class together? Is there a hobby you would both enjoy taking up such as photography?

Okay you get the idea. The first discussion will be easy, begin selecting a list of topics.

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