Friday, 15 July 2011

Feeling Insecure?

Once again Mort Fertel ( ) tackles a very real issue in many marriages, which is a feeling of insecurity. He writes:

Mort Fertel
Insecure people tend to seek constant reassurance. This can be difficult for the spouse. Sometimes verbal affirmations just don’t seem to be enough no matter how many times they are repeated. This can be stressful for a marriage.

Insecurities can come in several different forms. Sometimes people are self-conscious about their appearance. Imagine a woman who feels she is unattractive and constantly seeks approval from her husband. In the absence of a daily compliment she feels unloved and ugly. She worries her husband will find a more attractive woman. The husband in this case may feel frustrated that despite repeatedly telling his wife she is beautiful, she doesn’t seem to believe him. He may grow tired of constantly trying to convince her she is attractive.

Another example would be a man who worries he does not make enough money to make his wife happy. He works hard but she talks about wanting to buy more nice things. She talks about a new car her friend purchased and he feels bad that he cannot afford to purchase a car in the same price range. He worries she may find a man who makes more money and he has even started to check her phone to ensure she isn’t cheating on him.

In both of these examples, insecurities can create a wedge between couples. People who seek frequent reassurance sometimes end up driving their partner away, which makes their greatest fear become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It can be very difficult to try and reassure others when the reassurance only provides temporary relief.

If you feel insecure about yourself, take charge and try to work on the problem. Find ways to feel good about yourself without needing to depend on your spouse for continuous affirmation.

Here’s the real problem – when we look to other people or to our accomplishments to affirm us and make us feel secure we will always come up short. No person can provide us with enough accolades to fill the void that we are experiencing. No accomplishment will sustain us forever; there will need to be another mountain to climb.

The void that we are experiencing can only be filled by God. When as a Christian we are feeling insecure essentially we are saying that Christ is not enough. We are in effect saying we need Christ plus someone else’s approval or some other achievement to feel whole.

There is nothing wrong with wanting affirmation from the one you love but remember you have all that and more from the One who loves you. The next time you are thirsting for approval go to the Father in prayer and ask Him to fill you with the “Living Water” that can only come from Him.

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