Tuesday, 5 July 2011

A False Premise Leads to a Faulty Solution

In a recent blog Dr. Dana Fillmore reported some widely held beliefs stating,
Dr. Dana Fillmore
(while) most couples report that the number one area they want to improve in their marriage is communication, statistics actually show that money and/or an unfair division of labor are at the root of 70% of all divorces.
She then went on to say,
I don't believe money is the root of all evil, but … constant fighting over money can taint even the strongest of marriages and can cause couples to lose sight of what is truly wonderful about their lives and wonderful about each other.”

I believe there are two false premises. The first is that the underlying problem in most marriages is due to poor communication, money and/or an unfair division of labor. Until recently I believed the real culprit was self-centeredness, which by the way I still believe is a major contributor to unhappiness in all marriages. But I think Paul Tripp nails it when he states,
Our love for our husband/wife is a very accurate barometer of our true love for God… 1John 4:20 calls us to fix our marriages vertically before we ever fix them horizontally. Because our core problem is not that we don’t’ love our husbands/wives enough, no our problem is that we don’t love God enough and that is why we don’t love our spouse enough."

I suggest that any issues we have with money, division of labor and/or communication boils down to our relationship with God, or lack thereof. If I, as a husband, am called to love my wife as Christ loves His bride then I will carry my load around the house and we will find much to talk about because I know that is important to her.

The second false premise is found in the misleading statement about “money being the root of all evil.” Scripture says “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” (1Timothy 6:10). Thus it is the love of money or the things that it will buy that we put ahead of God that is at the root of the problem. And when we put our allegiance to anything or anyone ahead of God there will be negative consequences – a difficult marriage just being one.

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