Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Why Is Marriage Like a Dance

In the following video Winston Smith, author, counselor and lecturer at the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation, addresses the question “Can My Marriage Change if My Spouse Doesn't Change?”



Winston is so right, invariably when a couple comes to counseling one partner is hoping the counselor can change their spouse. I like Winston’s dance analogy because the focus is not on getting the other person in the relationship to change. The focus is on you changing and as a result there is a good possibility the relationship will change.

Here is the tough part. Scripture doesn’t tend to sugar coat anything. In the book of Ephesians men are instructed to love their wives as much as they love themselves. Actually they are to love them even more than that; they are to love their wives as much as Christ loves his church. Nowhere in this passage is there a condition, i.e. love your wife “if” she does your laundry, if she prepares your meals, if… Wives are given a similar challenge, i.e. they are to respect their husbands. Again there are no conditions, e.g. he is a good provider, he is a devoted father, etc.

Following Winston’s premise, a husband has reason to believe that if he loves his wife as much as he loves himself that she will respond in a positive way. If a wife drowns her husband in respect (whatever that looks like to him) most likely she will see a marked change. Here’s the painful part. Even if your spouse makes no change as a result of your efforts that is what God has called you to do.

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