Sunday, 13 March 2011

Who Is Right?

Invariably one of the unspoken questions between couples who come for counseling is “Who is most in the right?” First of all any counselors with half a brain (and that includes me) will stay as far away from that question as they can. More importantly it is the wrong question.

Such a question suggests that there is a virtual score card on which is recorded the number of times each spouse is right and when each spouse is wrong, thus justifying my unloving and /or disrespectful behavior based on the fact that the scales are tipped in my favor.

This also implies that it is now the counselor’s job to change the person who appears to be the more flawed of the two individuals. All I can say is,”Lots a luck with that plan.” The counselor can’t help a person to change who doesn’t want to change. Furthermore I have yet to see a couple where both parties are not somewhat culpable for the condition of the marriage.

So what is the right question? “Am I the Godly husband/wife that God has commanded me to be?” If you are not sure try these questions:
• Do you let unwholesome talk come out of your mouth or only that which is necessary for building up and encouraging your spouse?
• Do you love your wife as much as you love yourself and would she acknowledge that you do?
• Do you respect, admire and revere your husband and show it in tangible ways?
• Since the husband is to be the spiritual leader of the house, have you placed God at the center of your marriage? Do you as a couple take all major (and some minor) decisions before the Lord? Do you have devotions together?
• Are each of you growing spiritually, i.e. spending more time in His Word and meditating on His Word, reading books that increase your understanding of His Word, etc.?
• Do you pray together? Again, husbands are to take the lead.

If you must keep a score card, this is the one you should keep. If a husband and wife can each answer “yes” or “I’m working on it” to the questions above they will have a very good marriage. Why? Because God is the designer of marriage, it only stands to reason that if you follow His plan you will get results that He will bless.

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