Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Which of You is Contributing the Most to Your Marriage?

First off let me state that I am one of those people who usually follows the rules, though Kathleen might be quick to add except as it comes to yellow traffic signals and occasional stops signs that I treat as suggestions. Sorry, I digress. I’ve always been one of those people pleasing, do as I’m told, color between the lines kind of person. So when I am asked a question, like the one proposed at the beginning of this blog, I attempt to answer it. It may never dawn on me to say, “That is a bad question”, or to respond instead with my own question, “What do you mean by that?”

I believe this is a dangerous question for any husband or wife to ask. To answer the question as it is posed infers that you have been keeping score. Score keeping never works in a marriage, it only leads to resentment. Some people think marriage should be a fifty-fifty proposition, i.e. each person contributing fifty percent to the relationship, to maintaining the house, to disciplining the kids, etc. Some say each partner should strive for sixty percent, always attempting to out give and out serve the other. Still others say each person should give 100% and not be at all concerned about what the other person contributes.

I think the Bible is the best place to look for the answer to this question. In Ephesians 5:33 the Bible tells husbands to love their wives as they love themselves and the wife is to respect her husband. There are no provisos, no conditions to these commands. God doesn’t tell husbands to love their wives IF they are submissive, or if they pamper him or if they are effusive in their words of adoration. Scripture does not command women to respect their husbands only IF he is a good provider, a good communicator, and he treats her like a queen. The roles are mutually exclusive. Each of us is to strive continuously to fulfill the mandate given to us without regard to our husband/wife’s performance.

How would you answer the opening question?

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