Friday, 15 October 2010

You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling

“I just don’t think I love him/her anymore.” If you have uttered these words and are a Christian you have a dilemma. Do you invoke the “D” word, do you live the rest of your life in a relationship that is unfulfilling, or do you do whatever it takes to make your marriage one that would glorify God? Apparently fifty percent of those who consider themselves Christians are choosing option one. It has been suggested that another 25-30% are opting for living a parallel life, where there is little communication, and there is little joy.

I would guess that from God’s perspective neither options one or two would receive His blessing. First Corinthians 10:31 tells us that “whatever we do we should do it all for the glory of God.” I believe that would include marriage.

Option three, i.e. do whatever it takes to bring joy back into your marriage will take prayer and hard work. But where do you start?

Start with prayer. Take your hurt, your pain, your frustrations and disappointments to the Lord and ask Him to change your heart toward your husband/wife. That’s right, don’t waste your time asking God to change your spouse into the person you want them to be, that is not a prayer He will most likely honor.

Love must be a verb, i.e. take specific, observable, concrete action. Conventional wisdom says that feelings follow action. Begin doing loving things and in time your feelings may begin to return.

Another suggestion is to focus on a time when you were happy as a couple. Too often we focus on the negative aspects of life. Philippians 4:8 tells us that we are to think about such things that are “true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy.” There is a reason that Paul doesn’t tell us to “think upon” all that is wrong with our life. What glory does God get in that?

Finally stuff your expectations back into the desire box where they belong. Most of us come to marriage with certain expectations. Whether we have a preconceived notion of gender roles, an illusion about what romance consists of, or what we believe we are entitled to as a husband/wife it creates the wrong atmosphere for contentment.

If I expect you to do something it is the same as saying “you owe it to me”. If you do what I expect – you have only done what you are supposed to do. No one gets applause for doing what they are supposed to do. If you fail to meet my expectations you have let me down and disappointed me. That is a formula for disaster because it is a no win situation. Expectations start out as desires. Let your expectations remain as desires and be appreciative when your husband/wife fulfills a desire.

“…glorify God in all that we do”, that includes marriage.

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