Wednesday, 11 August 2010

The “Un-Divorce” Is Unsatisfactory

The title of a recent article on AOL.com was “The Un-Divorce: When Leaving Your Marriage Is Just Too Much Work.” The article goes on to cite specific reasons why a number of couples are opting to remain married yet lead separate lives. The article states that in “These days, "un-divorced" couples are becoming common in an ever-diverse and complicated society.” So the rationale goes, “For many couples, divorcing is simply too painful. Neither partner wants to be the first to pull the plug. In other cases, couples cannot afford the costs associated with divorce. Many times, they have children and don't want to deal with custodial issues or a dirty legal battle, especially if one partner uses drugs or has had an affair.”http://t3.gstatic.com/images?
“An ever diverse and complicated society” seems to be a clever phrase that is summed up in the word unregenerate, i.e. unrepentant, sinful, and not made new. I recognize that Biblically speaking infidelity and the desire of an unbelieving spouse to dissolve the marriage are legitimate grounds for a couple to divorce, but even then only after trying to reconcile. I also understand that under certain circumstances, such as abuse, it might be best for a couple to separate for a time with the ultimate intention of coming back together as husband and wife after one or both parties have resolved their issue and received professional help.

But deciding to become roommates because you don’t feel as though you love your spouse any longer just doesn’t fit my paradigm of what God intended for marriage. There is nothing that God ever created that was meant to be mediocre, including marriage. More specifically marriage is to bring glory to God. (1Cor. 10:31)

It seems to me that the first decision that one must grapple to the ground is where you stand spiritually speaking. Do you really believe that God is the Creator of the universe, that His Son died for your sins and rose again and do you believe His Word is inerrant? If your answer to any of these three questions is “no” then there is nothing based on Scripture that will motivate you. However if you are a child of God then it is not too late to seek a marriage that would bring you joy and God glory.

It begins with a conscious decision that you are going to make your marriage work, with the help of God. It is believed by many that feelings follow actions. So though you might not feel as though you love your husband/wife you can begin the process of restoring love to your relationship. Make a list of specific actions you can take, i.e. offer to do the dishes, bring home flowers, get the book Love Languages and determine what your spouse’s language is, make a special meal, kiss him/her before you leave the house each day, etc. Begin to incorporate more and more specific loving actions into your daily routine. You will see a difference in how you feel toward him/her and how they respond to you.

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