Monday, 16 August 2010

The Main Thing is the Main Thing

In a recent article entitled “Bargain Bliss” (World Magazine, June 19,2010) Susan Olasky wrote a piece about a New York wedding planner by the name of Mary Hines. When working with clients who have limited funds she finds that she needs to change their perspective. It is not unusual for the bride to place an enormous emphasis on her gown. One of the questions that Ms. Hines asks her clients is “What’s going to matter in 30 years?” When asked what she advises the couple she said, “Make the main thing the main thing. Spend your time and money on the things that are most important.”

It is at this juncture that I could go off on some tirade about how many couples spend far more time planning for their wedding than they do their marriage but I will control myself. However, I think Ms. Hines advice to those planning a wedding is as applicable to those who are married. Make the main thing the main thing. From a Christian perspective the “main thing” is to have a marriage which glorifies the Lord. If all of our words, thoughts and deeds were put through that filter marriage would be glorious.

GET REAL! You did say that didn’t you? Okay, let’s back it off a little. It is not that glorifying God shouldn’t be the main thing but we are sinners saved by grace and consequently our old sinful nature decides to show up at the most inopportune times. But staying with the theme we can focus on the important aspects of marriage. We can find ways to love and respect one another; we can give each other the benefit of the doubt; we can choose to overlook those little annoyances that we have allowed to color our attitude toward our husband/wife.

Here’s a crazy thought – these come to me with great regularity - why not have a conversation about what each of you believes constitutes the “main things” in a marriage? I’m not talking about putting your socks in the hamper kind of behaviors nor lofty goals that are unattainable. I am talking about such things as choosing to pray together every day; scheduling a minimum of one date night a month where “running of the house conversations” are taboo; talking about thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes and dreams as well as worries and concerns; agreeing that next to God your spouse is the most important person in your life (not the kids, not the in-laws); and continuously exploring what love and respect looks like to your spouse.

I’m sure you could add a number of other ingredients, what might some of them be?

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