Monday, 24 May 2010

Is Your Marriage Defying the Odds - Part I

Why do some couples make it and some don’t? If you are willing to accept as fact that somewhere around fifty percent of marriages end up in divorce then surely you ought to accept that some percentage of couples are staying together but are (a) most unhappy or (b) have come to a living arrangement that would resemble roommates. I have arbitrarily assumed that twenty-five percent of marriages fall into this latter category. So if your marriage is healthy and vibrant then you are defying the odds                                                                                                                                              

Love and Respect head my list. The Bible has few commands that are specifically addressed to husbands and wives, “husbands love your wives as yourself and wives respect your husband.” What makes my wife feel loved might be totally different than what makes another man’s wife feel loved. And guess what, we are dynamic creatures and as my wife continues to grow I may need to show my love to her in different ways than I do today. Love might manifest itself in time spent 

together, it might be an eager willingness to help with household chores, for another wife it might be a reassurance or lots of hugs. Husbands you need to ask your wife, “How can I best show you how much I love you?” Guys are a little simpler (there’s a huge understatement). Men want to be respected, again this is person specific. Respect might take the form of admiration, affirmation, deferring to him, esteeming him or praising him. You need to ask him.

Exceptional Friends might be the next thing on my list. True friends enjoy being with one another and look for as many opportunities as feasible to be together. They feel as though they can be transparent and not be judged. They genuinely care about one another. They have earned the right to speak into the other person’s life. There is total trust. There are no hidden agendas, no manipulation, no need to impress. Are you and your spouse best of friends? If not, were you good friends when you were dating?

I believe Selflessness is also high on the list. It is my contention that most conflict arises because each of us is totally self-centered. It is all about my needs, my desires, my happiness, my fulfillment – well I think you get the picture. The more I am able to put my wife’s needs ahead of my own the happier she will be and vice versa. As husbands and wives we must learn to die to self.

More to come – but what is on your list? What do you think makes marriages work?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Post a comment